Identifying Gaslighting
Are You or Someone You Know Being Gaslit?
Gaslighting is a challenging and isolating experience, but it’s important to know you’re not alone. This form of psychological abuse involves someone manipulating information to make you question your reality, thoughts, feelings, and memories. It’s a control tactic that can cause significant and long-lasting harm. Recognising why it’s happening and finding new ways to communicate with the perpetrator is essential. Don’t hesitate to seek help from loved ones or professionals, as gaslighting is a serious issue and it’s important to address it properly.
What is Gaslighting?
In any relationship or friendship, disagreements and occasional arguments are normal. People have different opinions and ways of handling conflicts. In healthy relationships, there is room for compromise, negotiation, and sometimes agreeing to disagree.
However, gaslighting is different from these everyday disagreements. It is a form of psychological manipulation and abuse where the perpetrator makes their partner doubt their own perceptions, memory, judgment, and sanity. This manipulative tactic is used to gain power and control and is a form of emotional domestic abuse. While it often occurs in romantic relationships, it can also happen in friendships, among colleagues, or within families. Gaslighting typically occurs over a prolonged period and is not just a one-time interaction.
Gaslighting involves one partner consistently negating and criticising the other’s perception, insisting they are wrong, or telling them their emotional reactions are irrational. Over time, the victim starts to doubt their own thoughts and feelings.
Why is Gaslighting Dangerous?
Gaslighting is usually a deliberate choice, although it can sometimes stem from the abuser’s own past experiences. Regardless of the reasons, gaslighting is destructive and unacceptable. It not only harms the victim but can also impact any children who witness it.
Gaslighting in the Workplace
In the workplace, gaslighting might involve being blamed for things outside your control, being undermined by colleagues, or being excluded from communications or meetings. This behavior often stems from envy of professional success or a desire to gain control.
If you suspect you’re being gaslit at work, it’s important to talk to a trusted colleague or someone in your HR department to take appropriate steps.
What Should You Do If You Think You're Being Gaslit?
If you suspect gaslighting in your relationship, it’s crucial to address it. This kind of manipulation can become habitual, damaging your mental well-being and the relationship. If discussing the behavior with your partner feels unsafe or frightening, you should consider ending the relationship safely. Various organisations can support you, including:
- National Domestic Abuse Helpline: www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk; 0808 200 0247 (24/7)
- Men’s Advice Line: www.mensadviceline.org.uk; 0808 801 0327 (Mon-Fri, 10am-8pm)
- Galop (National LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline): 0800 999 5428 (Mon-Fri, 10am-5pm)
If you’re unsure whether you’re being gaslit, take a step back and assess the situation. Talk to trusted friends or family for objective opinions. Seeking counseling can also help. If you believe you’re in a controlling relationship, contact the organisations above for support.
If You Think You Might Be Gaslighting Your Partner
If you recognise that you might be gaslighting your partner, it’s important to seek help to change your behavior. It’s never too late to change, and doing so can make a significant difference in your relationship.
Gaslighting is a pervasive form of psychological manipulation that can have devastating effects
By understanding its tactics and impact, we can empower ourselves to recognise gaslighting when it occurs, protect ourselves from its influence, and support those who may be experiencing it.
Together, let's shine a light on the shadows of gaslighting and create a culture of empathy, validation, and respect
Recognising the Signs
Gaslighting can manifest in various forms, from subtle nuances to overt behaviours.
- Denial and Contradiction: Gaslighter often deny events or conversations that occurred, even when there is evidence to the contrary. They may also contradict the victim’s experiences, insisting that they are mistaken or misremembering.
- Minimisation and Trivialisation: Gaslighters downplay the victim’s feelings, experiences, or concerns, making them feel insignificant or unwarranted. Phrases like “You’re overreacting” or “It’s not that big of a deal” are typical tactics.
- Projection: Gaslighters may project their own flaws, insecurities, or wrongdoings onto the victim, deflecting attention away from themselves and onto the victim instead. This can leave the victim feeling confused, guilty, or self-doubting.
- Withholding Information: Gaslighters often withhold information or selectively provide information to manipulate the victim’s perception of reality. By controlling the flow of information, they maintain power and control over the narrative.
- Isolation: Gaslighters may isolate the victim from friends, family, or support networks, making them more dependent on the gaslighter for validation and guidance. This isolation amplifies the Gaslighters influence and control over the victim.
Impact on Victims
The effects of gaslighting can be profound and long-lasting, undermining the victim’s self-esteem, confidence, and mental well-being. Victims may experience:
- Self-doubt and confusion
- Anxiety and depression
- Feelings of worthlessness or inadequacy
- Difficulty trusting their own perceptions and judgement
- Social withdrawal and isolation
- Physical symptoms such as headaches, insomnia, or digestive issues